Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
