so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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