I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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