its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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