wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
