My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
