I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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