Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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