is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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