hell yes lets make some ravioli
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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