Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
