Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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