I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Congratulations! We have a period
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
