Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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