exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
