and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
