I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
