YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just tell him i said nine months
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
