She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
