I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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