I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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