Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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