Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
