i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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