I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
