Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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