I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
