This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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