I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
