literally had 100 drinks last night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
