So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize