Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
