what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
