The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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