At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
