so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
