I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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