found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hippo gnu deer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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