You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
