she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How external is "for external use only"?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
