if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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