I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
