that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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