New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
