it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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