I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
