good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
