She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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