I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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