I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
