It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize