I faked an abortion last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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