i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my sisters under your porch take her home
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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