Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
