READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
