Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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