this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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