i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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