It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
