So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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