I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Where is the hickey?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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