His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
