Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
