Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
