Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
