Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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