Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
