Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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