Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I deserve this hangover.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
