I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So vagazzling was a success
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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