You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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